Thursday, November 29, 2007

the plan pt. 1

i have decided that i need to get back at bobby for what he did with the school video. im not sure what im going to do yet but i think i have a couple of ideas. i hope that he does not find this. if i go missing be sure to call the police because that means he found this somehow and probably tied me up and shoved me in a closet (like my uncle used to do).

ways to get back at bobby…

  • pee in his breakfast
  • pee in his lunch
  • make him think he won a million dollars (he is poor)
  • tell him his whole family is dead
  • embaress him infront of the entire school
  • pull his pants down in front of 8th grade girls

i think that i will do all of these things to him. each time i right i will update on how my plan is going.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

the pictures

bobby put the restroom pictures up on the daily school video that the whole 6th grade sees. i dont know how he did it.

im going to call nitro from american gladiators to come hurt him.

i am freaking serious.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

the bathroom

this happened a couple days ago...

everyday at school at 10:15am i go take a number 2 in the bathroom. today was no different. i went to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. i was almost done when someone came in. right when i was standing up the door to my stall got kicked opened and i was standing there with no pants face to face with the most evil person in the entire solar system. it was bobby swanson and he had a camera.

i tried to grab the camera but i fell because my pants were down. instead of helping me up he just took more pictures of me while i was on the ground. he took 15 pictures of me (i was only crying in 5 of them).

im not sure what he plans on doing with the pictures but i think i have a couple of ideas.

the karate class

my mom told me that she was tired of me getting beat up at school so she took me to a karate class last week. at first i was scared but she told me that everyone was very nice and that it is safe.

at my first day of class they gave me a white belt and uniform to put on and also a cup that i was supposed to put on my pp but i thought it was a face mask to protect my nose. after i got dressed i went into the class and started learning karate. all i could think about was hitting bobby swanson in the face and making him cry.

we started off learning to do kicks and punches. i was having a lot of fun until they told us we were going to be sparing with the other kids in the class. i got paired up with a 12 year old asian kid who looked like he had taken karate classes his entire life. i just tried to picture him as bobby swanson when we were sparing but i think i got a little to angry because i started crying and screaming at him trying to punch him. i think he got scared because he kicked me so hard in the face that i think i swallowed two of my teeth. he didnt stop there.

at first i was crying because i thought he was bobby swanson but then i started crying because i had just swallowed 2 teeth. he didnt care. he took his sparing glove off and punched me in the nose harder than 3 bobby swansons. of course it broke instantly and blood went flying all over the studio. my mom told me about this afterwards because i had already passed out at that point.

on the way home (or to the hospital i cant remember) i asked my mom why she didnt stop the big asian kid (parents could watch the entire class from behind glass). instead of answering she yelled at me for bleeding all over her volvo. i knew i should have worn my cup on my face.

the computer

i havent righted anything for a while because my computer got broken. usually when i dont get on the computer for a while its because someone at school broke both my hands again. but not this time… let me expliain.

i came home from school one day and saw a strange man at my house. this is pretty normal because my mom has guy friends over a lot (usually at night time). he was in my room on my computer which was really weird. i asked him what he was doing on my computer and he said nothing and shut down my computer really fast. after he left i turned my computer on.

when my computer turned all the way on i noticed that i kept getting pop up windows of naked people. i got scared and thought that i would get in trouble so i tried to delete all my folders on the computer. but somehow my mom walked in before i could delete everything and saw all the naked people on my monitor. she got so mad she walked over to my computer and picked it up and threw it at me. i fell over and it broke. sexy noises were still coming from the speakers.

it took me almost a month to put the computer back together but it is finally working now. my mom said if i look at naked people again she will throw my monitor at me next time. i think she is bluffing.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

the gift

so 2 weeks ago my mom told me that she had a big surprise for me. i have been a little scared of surprises because last time someone told me they got me a surprise it was bobby swanson. i was really hoping he got me a dinosaur but it turns out that my surprise was a flying knee to the upper jaw. in bobbys defence his flying knee had really good form.

even tho i was a little scared i was still wondering what my surprise was. that afternoon (before happy hour) when i got home from school i walked into my house to see a cat. mom told me that it was for me for being such a brave person because she doesnt know how i could get up every morning and not commit suicide. i didnt really understand what she was talking about. i think she had a few drinks before happy hour started.

i named my cat shadow because it had missing patches of hair… just like my head. i really liked having a cat but ryan was jealous that i had a new best friend. anyway… the cat and i became good friends. but one morning when i woke up i couldnt see anything. i also had trouble brething. i called for my mom as best i could but i couldnt make very loud sounds. finally she came in and started screaming.

i went to the hospital again. my eyes had swollen shut and my throat was closing up. i had to get two shots of adrenelin which are the most painful shots that you can get. i also stopped breathing for about 2 minutes the doctor said but i dont remember much of that.

after i went home my mom gave the cat to farmer henry. my mom says he took my cat to a farm … and then shot it. i think ryan had something to do with all of this.

Monday, November 5, 2007

the discovery

ok i have to make this post quick because i just figured something out that may change my life..... ill tell you what it is really fast (but then i have to go)

i was watching tv the other night (one of the three channels that we get) and this naked lady was on... kind of naked really she had her underpants on. anyway i was watching and i got a pants tent like i usually do when i think about alissa or baseball... and then the weirdest thing happened. for some reason i started getting this tingly feeling in my back and my pants got all wet.

im not sure what is going on here but im going to figure it out. i might ask my teacher tomorrow or bobby swanson... well see how things go.

the music

so i was at school listening to my kidz-bop caset with my headphones and caset player when bobby came up to me and asked me what i was doing. i told him i was listening to my kidz-bop caset and that he could have a listen if he wanted. he said he loved kidz-bop and asked wich album it was. i told him it was volume 3.... the best one ever created.

bobby took my caset player and and put the headphones on. he then dropped my caset player on the ground and said "oops". then he accidently stepped on the caset player 15 times. im not 100% sure but i think he meant to do that.

i told my teacher what happened when i went to class and instead of making things better i think she made things worse. she stood infront of the whole class and told everyone not to mess with my kidz-bop or caset player or headphones. since most of the kids in class listen to nelly on ipods with earbuds they decided the best corse of action would be to make fun of me. i probably deserved it.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

the haloween adventure

so this haloween i dressed up as nitro (my favorite hero of all time). i went trick or treating with ryan and got lots of candy. this one guy answered the door in a towel and told me that he had candy in his bedroom and that i should come get it. i almost did it but good thing i learned my lesson about going with a stranger for candy when i got kidnapped by that man downtown. i probably should have gone because he seemed like a good person and he said he had twix. i love twix. oh well.

on my way back ryan and i got stopped by bobby swanson and his friends. they were all dressed like ghosts with white pointed hoods on their heads. they were really scary. i asked how they were and instead of answering me they just took all of my candy and hit me in the face with a brick. luckily when i woke up bobby was getting beat up by a bunch of kids dressed up like the night (they were all black). they gave me my candy back and helped me back to my house. i liked them.

at home my mom asked me how trick or treating went. i told her everything went fine until she noticed the imprint of brick on my face. good thing she was too drunk to ask me if i was ok because she just went directly to her room. i love my mom.